Blue(s)
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That was the overwhelming sense of self depreciation that I felt as I made my way down the alleys after catching Blue. It makes sense to pump 100 crores into a spectacle that was devoid of any storyline and featured nuggets like:
What do you think when 5 armed gunmen attack you?
1. Run for your life
2. Hide
3. Put on your shades
Yes Sanjay Dutt, the most obese version in recent history, did in fact do that. Limp dialogues and Lara Dutta being treated as the rich man's Neha Dhupia didnt help matters. She's present to shake her booty on the song "Aaj dil gustakh". She does have a fabulous body and well, that is about it. Almost no dialogues were given to her. Kylie, the oldest version yet, lights up the screen with her chic jiggy wiggy and then that is about it. Zayed Khan, in his tackiest hairdo yet, is an add-on that is just about as irritating when the Nachos guy announces that he can only serve up the chilli dip cause he has run out of the salsa dip. Katrina is passable and before I start dissecting the ridiculous salt and pepper goatee of Akshay Kumar let me just say that this movie is only saved by the breathtaking camera work. Please give it a miss, thats 100 crores that the producer will never see back.
I WITNESS
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2:09
A code review and a presentation allowed me the luxury of a 13 minute lunch. The television channels screaming about the chopper made me look at the TV only to look away some minutes later. 9.35 am was the last anyone heard from the ill fated carrier. There were people following the news, others trying to look away, a few looking at the news as a chance to break their monotony, yet a majority carried on as if nothing had happened.
5:00
As the day was winding down, it became apparent that all is not well. The fact that the PM was keeping tabs and that Soniyaji was in telephonic conversation with Hyderabad gave little reason for cheer. Something was amiss and Ameerpet - the heart of the Congress offices in the city was being touted as a no-go zone, a full 18 hours before the realization of the tragedy.
7:00
Ganesh Chaurthi had held the roads hostage to their festivities. Serpentine queues followed me as I went to check on my friend who was diagnosed with suspected Swine Flu a few hours ago. Public Transport was normal and their was no cause for panic. Just festivities and advisories being issued on how not to venture out the following day (Ganesh Idol immersion).
9:30
No great upheavals. Promises of a nightlong search and still no news. I was back in the office from the hospital and dealing with the more inane problems of life. Bug fixes, follow up mails and an occasional mention about why the A/C had been turned off with people still inside.
11:00
Leaving for the day, normal cab service and still no news.
3/9
8.00
Situation looks on the boil. No news, no closure, prayers, gatherings outside the party office and the residence. No advisories about work and no information makes me wonder if this day deserved a mention in the calendar. Autos work fine though, and make me reach in time for my meeting
8.45
News filtered in about the wreckage. News filtered in about the crash. No mention of bodies
10.00
He is no more. Silence and tears on the streets.
Frantic calls. Offices declared closed by 11. Arrangements are made for transport. Never has there been an evacuation of this scale. The next day is declared a holiday.
11.00
The journey really started when the end was confirmed. Violence and carnage were expected to be rolled out. Explicit instructions were given to not venture out of the house, once you get into the house that is. No word on how the streets have taken to the news.
Within the next hour, every single shop closed down. Armies of people descended onto the streets and mourned. Black smoke enveloped most of the junctions, tyres were burnt. White was the color of choice. Black scarves and handkerchiefs, the mark of a mourner. Clinics and dispensaries stayed open, and people flocked. Even ATMs were shut down. Police made their presence felt, attacking each artery that could potentially clot the ecosystem of the cyber city. Most of the offices declared a holiday and advised the employees to stay in. Others demanded Work From Home.
Yet the media outdid itself, a channel which has been featured on strat.in recently had this sensationalist piece for all of us when the reporter had the galle to ask:
"We are outside YSR's residence, I have with me a lady who has been crying since we got the news, how are you feeling? Feelings cheppundi"
And so did apathy,
I caught a 4 day weekend being muttered, some plans for Goa and a complaint about pending work.
No riots and no bloodshed. No feelings, no anguish. Just a state in mourning hoping it will all get better in the Morning.
Kiss the World Quick
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But while juggling my life it seems easier to incense
Than to gloss over and find chances,
See them go astray and cast fleeting glances,
My time is my own and so are my mistakes,
There is uni direction and there are no re-takes,
A weekend awaits and needs me more than I need it,
After all, with life, its only been a bit of a gift,
Take my word, find peace before you end up in pieces and apart,
Find truth before you even start,
Act now, Aware, Reason and you will Thwart
Sermons when I swim - II
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It turns out that not everything I have ever done is the way that it has been interpreted, nor has it been what was intended. There has been a massive gap between the action, the interpretation and the intention. Sometimes, these things are in our control, on most others they are read only cells in an excel worksheet. I have been a firm believer in belief, in faith as a concept, of trusting something greater than yourself. I have always been fiercely competitive and extremely aggressive with regard to my intent and actions. This hasnt really won me too many friends, nor should it really.
My outlook towards my job was something of a misnomer, I wanted quality work-ex when I joined. Something concrete to put on my CV and a brilliant experience in itself. As I walked along the path to a job, I realized that I have been closeted, I have been slow to identify my mistakes and even slower to rectify them. I have looked to others for guidance and then looked at others when things went wrong. Not a very smart thing to do. My life has been a series of disconnected incidents with only the protagonist remaining as the common focal point. My need to chase something or the other has not only left enormous gaps that no man can ever plug in a lifetime, it has also left a fairly treacherous path to cover the rest of my journey in.
As I near close to a year in my job, making mistakes, learning from them (yes, finally, rectifying and not rejecting). It leads me to a very simple analysis of what I did wrong and what I did right. Every human being is configured a certain way, own set of strengths, own set of weaknesses, like a product on the market, very few are built to last while being cheap. Every product has a strength, some allied points that make it a good buy and some weaknesses. My own experiences with life has been an experiment, an experiment in trying to distill the doubts from the critiques, the inputs from the constants. I will usually be the last person in the world to scream out that "Its not fair". But, on many occasions this calendar year I found myself doing that, wondering aloud if I am in a rut or not and having arguments with myself that had no end result.
I am sure there are plenty others who deal with the same problems, same doubts and are faced with the same fears and choices. I know I was. And I am still choosing, still having doubts and still walking tall. All that I have known is that life goes on and we are the choices that we make. And that more depends on us than we actually give credit for. Its not an easy life but it is a short one. Live it, love it, and remember, it was never meant to be fair. :)
Sessions with a Swim - Part I
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So, what exactly changes as you grow old, or older. Is it the Biological answer of getting your metabolism in order? Or is it the logical answer of becoming more mature? My own views are somewhat decrepit on this subject and truth be told, I never would have even given it a thought in the course of a normal day. But well, a clear head when you swim and a lighter conscience plays tricks that you should never should have been party to.
So, my query to myself got answered in the most rhetorical way, cynicism. We believe that we can believe. And if we believe long and hard, we are actually not going to screw up. Its this belief which becomes shoddy as you grow up. The world outside exposes you to situations where you realize that 20% of everything is in your control, the rest is just out there, taking care of itself. This lack of control causes a stir and a commotion that slowly but surely starts to whither away your beliefs, your desires and molds you into someone who is expected to be rational and practical. This rationality is in direct contrast to what we were when we were kids and the only limit was the distance up to which the sky could be seen. This maturity makes us worldly wise, it also makes us better equipped to deal with even more worldly situations. But it also kills the child within. It sucks the joy out of making an honest mistake. It pummels the part of you that always wants to do something new. It raises hell on that part of your soul which has enthusiasm to last a decade. It highlights failures whereas in your childhood, a failure is just another experience that you learn from.
This children's day, look inside, there isnt much of a point in being worldly wise if this world is going to kill what made you wise :)
The 1 who cried
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The doubts vanish and leave you alone for the ride,
When the dust settles, the vision blurs the line of sight,
We are obscured during the day than we are at night,
A virtue of the lawless and the triumphant,
A cycle broken and unabashedly jubilant,
When the wrong inside percolates and says things that
you wish would stay inside,
When the Truth hides and the point is all but beside,
Our wrongs are not a given nor are they expected,
But they are everything that we made,
They are hitchhikers that we allow to guide us by,
And they make us laugh when we are meant to cry,
They mar our judgment and make us believe,
That in all that was done, it was meant to relieve,
Its easy to fall to vices,
Even easier to justify them with flavors of spices,
Its easy to break when you start to bend,
Its impossible to break and then go off to mend,
For your decisions make you who you are,
And they are responsible for taking you that far,
The real travel begins along the way to redemption,
To own up and ask for a second chance when perdition awaits,
To risk yourself along those straits,
Where few have ever returned, and fewer still have tried,
For its better to own up than to be the one who silently cried....
In moderation
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This mean requires optimization and balance. A little work and a little hope. Some principles and discipline. Sadly, I can never find this middle ground anywhere. I have always tried to maximize rather than optimize. In hindsight, this isn't very difficult to explain. We never want to stay within limits, we never want boundaries, least of all ones drawn in chalk by us. This limit is what we refuse to see and acknowledge until its too late. My own experiences haven't been terribly fulfilling with respect to optimization. They have been skewed and complete qualified failures.
Travelogue - Andaman Isles
Labels:
Andaman,
Travelogue
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Andaman is a beautiful place and all the factual details are worth a click.
Now lets get the dope on this place.
Usually the peak season starts with the "Pujo" season of the Bengalis i.e October onwards. From October to January its pretty difficult to get a foothold in the isles with the number of Indian travelers almost equal to the number of foreign souls that come visiting. Since my free time was in July, peak monsoon, I found the half empty Air India Flight quite a pleasant experience. The flights in and out of Andaman are mostly Jetlite and Air India and the journey is about 2 hours. Costs something close to 5 grand for a one way ticket.The accommodations were not really a problem with me as I took to the Army facilities quite well. However, since Tourism is the largest industry on these isles, accommodation is available aplenty with plenty of options with regard to pricing but a decent one is going to cost you about 1 grand a night. The places to visit are numerous but make sure that you have done your homework before setting out.Also, Veer Savarkar airport, the International Airport at Port Blair is 1 of the few airports which allow photography on the runway. This runway is shared by the Army/Naval forces so please be careful of where you point your lens.
The most notable place for Shopping is the Sagarika Emporium which is run by the Government. Fabulous collection and watch out for huge shells that cost upwards of 250 bucks.
The Havelock islands are the crown jewels of Andaman. This island has the Delightful Radhanagar beach...amongst the longest beaches in Asia. It is also a nesting site for Olive Ridley Turtles. The snorkeling opportunities here at the Elephanta beach are not to be missed either. The Steamers leave every morning at 6.30 and tickets get sold out 2 days in advance so make sure you have your travel agent pulling the right strings. The return trips are at 2 and 4 pm respectively. It takes about 3 hours to travel one way and the seas are patchy along the way with huge waves dashing about just for fun.
The triple tour of the Ross/North Bay/Viper Islands are worth a go. Ross Island was the seat of power of the British and the place is a throwback to the days of the rule offering glimpses into their settlement. North Bay is famous for snorkeling and its corals. Viper Islands used to serve as a penal settlement and isn't much of a look around. The steamer leaves at a decent time of around 9.30 and brings you back by 5. These isles also require a permission letter to be issued for the visits.
The limestone caves and the mud volcano will entail a 4 hour trip from Port Blair and also a sneak peek into the Jarawa people...people indigenous to the isles of Andaman. This trip requires a permit and a special permission for return if you are thinking of heading back the same day.
The museums are also quite a look about especially the aquatic repository.
The costs are pretty astronomical in terms of travel. The rent-a-car thing charges about 900/- a day for intra City, i.e. Port Blair travel. The one way steamer charge for Havelock is about 300/- a pop. The vehicle to take you to Radhanagar Beach and then snorkeling has to be hired separately with both costing 1000/- combined. The triplet tour of Ross/Viper/North Bay is also about 400/- one way.
And a Man went there...... :)
The morning after the Morning After
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Now, comes the real part of this post. The morning after the morning after. If you have ever been in a position like me, you’ll surely appreciate this theory. The morning after the morning after, if it provided the right catalyst will serve as the antidote to the morning after. After you are done with the hard work of calling up, apologizing, redoing all of it again to make sure, sending remorseful signs et al, the morning after the morning after will serve as a welcome destination to wake up to. Of course, no damage is permanent and this experience will expedite the healing. In fact the very act of waking up and knowing that it is indeed the morning after the morning after will make things easier
His Story.....History
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There are certain things that tradition gives you and certain viewpoints that it obscures. An ancient Afghan saying went something like "2 Fists held close to the face changes your view of the world". Something pretentiously similar happens with respect to tradition. So at times its better to break with it rather than letting it break you, again a much similar analogy can be drawn to routines but don't get me started on those yet. I hate them, I, in fact (physically) hate them (amrita, if you ever read this I think I can picture you blinking and wincing all at once in only the same way that you can.)
Anywho, To get to the crux of it, lets just say that I am 1 lucky bastard. I have lost more friends than I care to count and most of it is due to my own indiscretions, callousness, indifference and whims. But, I have been inundated with more of the same kind whenever I feel myself losing way. It really makes a lot of sense to know that you are blessed. And, in every sense of that word, I am, indeed, truly blessed. I make stupid mistakes, refuse to learn from them and still get chance after chance. Thank you God for all that you are to me.
To get even more precise, this post is not about all random thoughts,and if the introduction hasn't put you to sleep I hope that you will all still have the patience to read through.
One of the toughest and most difficult transitions in anybody's life is to go from college to work. When you stop being a kid and grow up. It eats me up that I can never stress enough on how important the 2 ladies are in my life. Amrita and Neha, inspite of all my ridiculous and frivolous moods have stuck by and have tried to reason with me when it would have been easier teaching Spanish (Yes I had to bring that up) to a cow. They have always cared even though they would like to believe that indifference begets indifference. They have fed me when I would have gone home with an empty stomach and a plate of maggi to look forward to. They will remain the only reason why cheppundi town rocks :)
My Life
Labels:
An Insight
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Wrapped in a time warp, enclosed in a shrapnel,
Trying to scream but dying to tell,
Hoping for an escape and feeling out of place,
Running out of breath and running out of space,
In all a disaster waiting to happen,
A cart in need of a push into the abyss,
A dream in danger of being broken,
A dying breath without so much as a last kiss,
In all that happens and in all that stays,
In all the World, looking for stops and plays,
Seeking oxygen from the living world,
Stuck in a sentence, trying to squeeze between words,
But the coma will never awaken,
Till the resolve will strengthen,
Till the bow breaks,
Till the promise stays,
Till the bridge breaks apart,
Till the last embers of the heart,
Finds a place to rest,
And empties into the lost souls that dropped from the crest.
--++--
An insight, all similarities are purely fictitious and intentional,
....
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