Sermons when I swim - II
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It turns out that not everything I have ever done is the way that it has been interpreted, nor has it been what was intended. There has been a massive gap between the action, the interpretation and the intention. Sometimes, these things are in our control, on most others they are read only cells in an excel worksheet. I have been a firm believer in belief, in faith as a concept, of trusting something greater than yourself. I have always been fiercely competitive and extremely aggressive with regard to my intent and actions. This hasnt really won me too many friends, nor should it really.
My outlook towards my job was something of a misnomer, I wanted quality work-ex when I joined. Something concrete to put on my CV and a brilliant experience in itself. As I walked along the path to a job, I realized that I have been closeted, I have been slow to identify my mistakes and even slower to rectify them. I have looked to others for guidance and then looked at others when things went wrong. Not a very smart thing to do. My life has been a series of disconnected incidents with only the protagonist remaining as the common focal point. My need to chase something or the other has not only left enormous gaps that no man can ever plug in a lifetime, it has also left a fairly treacherous path to cover the rest of my journey in.
As I near close to a year in my job, making mistakes, learning from them (yes, finally, rectifying and not rejecting). It leads me to a very simple analysis of what I did wrong and what I did right. Every human being is configured a certain way, own set of strengths, own set of weaknesses, like a product on the market, very few are built to last while being cheap. Every product has a strength, some allied points that make it a good buy and some weaknesses. My own experiences with life has been an experiment, an experiment in trying to distill the doubts from the critiques, the inputs from the constants. I will usually be the last person in the world to scream out that "Its not fair". But, on many occasions this calendar year I found myself doing that, wondering aloud if I am in a rut or not and having arguments with myself that had no end result.
I am sure there are plenty others who deal with the same problems, same doubts and are faced with the same fears and choices. I know I was. And I am still choosing, still having doubts and still walking tall. All that I have known is that life goes on and we are the choices that we make. And that more depends on us than we actually give credit for. Its not an easy life but it is a short one. Live it, love it, and remember, it was never meant to be fair. :)
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